Confessions of a Timid Rider: I Am Jealous of My Friends with Horses
Friends, I’ll be honest with you. I believe I’m a nice person. I try my best to help others and be a good friend. So the fact that I have become green-eye with jealousy is something of which I’m not proud.
Every single time one of my barn family gets a new pony or horse, I am so happy for them. Truly. At the same time a part of me dies a little inside of envy. Because I want what they have.
I am embarrassed to admit it. Today a friend, a fellow horse lover, reached out to me for advice on buying her first horse. I have never bought a horse but she wanted my opinion on a particular animal because I know her skill and comfort level.
My first reaction was excitement for her. She deserves a horse, she’d treat him well, and this horse would have an amazing life. But my second reaction was envy. Because this also serves as a reminder that I have not yet fulfilled my own dreams of horse ownership.
Logically I know that for her full board, lessons, and shoes cost exactly HALF of what I would pay in my area. But it’s a dream we shared together. She’s closer to seeing this dream come true, and I’m still working toward it. Thus, the pit in my stomach.
Why is it so important that I own a horse? To me, it has been a lifelong dream. Animals have been a constant in my life for so long, and a huge source of comfort and happiness. I do not go to church. I am not in therapy. Spending time with horses at the barn is what gives me solace.
I am blessed that I am able to spend time with animals. But I would like the freedom to work with a horse for years, building a bond, and a level of trust. To have the freedom to do groundwork, or go on a trail, or simply spend some time playing in the paddock.
I confessed and told her that I was losing hope that I would ever have my own horse.